Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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