i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
