I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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