I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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