I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
