were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
