Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
