apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
