i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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