as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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