Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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