We named our party play list daddy issues
Fuck appropriateness.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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