There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
