Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
