come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
