i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
