I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
