just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Welp...herpes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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