are you so shy because you have an std?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
