This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
