I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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