I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
