He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
