I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
FUCK WHALES
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
