i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
