Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I got chris browned last night
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
