First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
