whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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