My room smells like vodka and shame
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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