this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
