no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
