I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
