im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
