Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
