Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
