my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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