And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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