how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
