Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
