so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
