Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I forget how to act sober
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