Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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