respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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