Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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