just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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