I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
