Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
