this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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