the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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