I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
