hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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